Cynosure

Alcohol is a cynosure. I mean, it's brilliant and draws people toward it, and lubricates social settings, and provokes intimate moments between people. It's such a good gift.

That being said, I really think we all need to have a little come to Jesus moment about it. Whenever I drink, I like to eat food first. Then I proceed to drink and will only eat again once I've consumed my share of alcohol. For some strange reason, I can't eat food while I'm drinking. It must be once I've consumed all the alcohol for the night. Unfortunately, I have this delicious sandwich in the fridge and I keep saving it for when I get home and I'm drunk or went out for a few drinks but was still okay to drive. You know, the usual.

But I can't eat this goddamn sandwich! I get home and I immediately fall asleep without getting to enjoy this delicious gift from God.

And I know all of you will just be all, "Oh, just eat the sandwich sober." It's not that easy. It's a specially made sandwich that maximizes the drunk taste buds. It only tastes amazing drunk!

Meanwhile another child in Africa died from starvation and I'm complaining about a sandwich I can't eat. On the internet.

Priorities.

Imbroglio

I have an imbroglio. It means a problem. A horrible problem, and it summarizes what this blog is going to be about. I have way too much time on my hands and not enough jobs to do, besides cleaning, which I hate... unless I'm cleaning Jared's house, because his house is a freaking palace. Whatever.

I have a problem with a lot of things, like Uggs, for example. I hate them. I think if you want comfortable feet, get an orthopedic insert, don't get horrible, fuzzy, ridiculous boots that look like you should be deep-sea fishing in Alaska. Ugg Boots are called Ugg because they're "ugg"ly. Hideous. You are not cute when you wear them.

And if you're a girl who wear sweatpants tucked into the boots, I will physically remove your shoes and risk getting a restraining order. I don't car. You are not a Dragonball-Z warrior, so stop it with the puffy-pants/soft-shoe routine. You nasty. Uggs are only one step above Crocs and we all know Crocs are the epitome of everything that is wrong with our generation. As long as Crocs and Uggs are worn anyplace but Wal-Mart, I will advocate the death penalty for infraction offenders.

You make me sick.